last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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