I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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