wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
