Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
