Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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