How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
