Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
