We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
