By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
