I have demons in me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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