I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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