I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
