So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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