Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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