Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
