one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
