i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
