I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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