when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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