dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
