Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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