12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
