Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
