So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize