i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
