Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize