There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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