if only i could text you this smell
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
