apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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