I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
