Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
