He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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