She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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