my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
