The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
