i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
