its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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