My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
honey bunches of taint.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
