Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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