When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
