I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
