some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We left the knife in your bed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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