I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
