Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
