last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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