Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
