There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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