I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
