i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
