True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
