I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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