just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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