i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize