mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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