I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
