There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
