There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
