I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
