I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
