I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
