So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am available for nakedness
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
