Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
