I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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