i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
