So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
