I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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