The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize