PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
