I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize