I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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